Adjusting and getting back on track
My point here is to debate the emotional baggage I am carrying into the new year, being them a consequence (or not) of the global landscape.
I am starting 2021 in de-tox mode after overeating and not exercising for the past few weeks plus several moments of indiscipline from the previous year. I am aware that my 3kg weight-gain is rather a result from a few slips before December than a short period of festivities. I dare to assume 2020 still lingers on my start of the year and I have not had the time nor the energy to start fresh yet.
We all thought that life would be a little bit different this year and that Covid-19 would magically disappear by the end of 2020. Unfortunately we are far from where we hoped for and Brazil disappointing in every aspect, from politics to human behavior in terms of managing the pandemic. I understand that everyone is tired of listening and reading about Covid etc, so my point here is to debate the emotional baggage I am carrying into the new year, being them a consequence (or not) of the global landscape.
Being quarantined for so long has made me realize I actually enjoy spending time alone, even when I am not productive (this term is subject to interpretation, as each person has its own criteria of productivity). I got creative in the kitchen and brainstormed a few ideas for future endeavors simultaneously with my 9–5 job in home office. I held the same job for almost a decade and although I had always wanted a career change, I could only make a decision to reset my professional life during the pandemic because I no longer had a purpose at work. I was not feeling useful or motivated as all of my projects and events were cancelled or postponed – for me, iddleness is worse than busyness; so I had no urgent work or daily tasks to fulfill my work day despite the fact that I had to be connected from 9–5pm, attending countless Zoom meetings that could wait until 2021. Long story short, I announced my resignation in November and worked for another month.
Between the notification and my last day at work, I had one-on-one farewell calls wih my closest colleagues, spoke to friends and family, had appointments with my therapist and astrologer, studied and opened an e-commerce, aside from continuing to work my normal office hours. On my first jobless day, I followed my daily routine except from turning on the laptop to work, and pretty much spent the day on social media and getting organized for the holidays. However, I did not feel relaxed or less anxious: there were tons to do for Christmas and packing for a 2-week trip. I think I had accumulated mixed feelings since the beginning of the pandemic and although I had shared my emotions and concerns with professionals and people I care, I’d always known that there were things that I had to deal alone.
Now that I am back from a fantastic trip, I am jet-lagged and a bit lost. I would say I am 60% ready to restart and that is thanks to having exercised on the day I arrived and grocery shopping for a healthy week. On the other hand, I am still finding it difficult to wake up at my usual time and head straight to the gym, added to the fact that I have not decided which professional path I am taking in 2021. Anyhow, I am writing this piece on my first “business day” at home, which is a bonus.
As I said in the beginning of this post, I’ve gained weight and am officially unemployed. Sorry, I don’t wanna sound tragic or anyhing, so please read the last sentence with a sense of humor 🙂 The whole point here is just to say that is really hard to get back on track, regardless of the time of the year – and that’s OK. Big changes always come with burden and risk, and despite everything that I am feeling right now, I know that I have made the right decision and everything will be alright. Actually, I feel more confident day by day, with no regrets.